I always keep my pains, my struggles, my thoughts within myself. I never shared them openly as opposed to anyone who can just simply tell their own stories. It’s not that I don’t trust them with mine, but …
As when I start to hear my voice,
my words are broken,
my eyes wet,
my hands tremble,
my heart pumps faster than a race,
Until no words are to be spoken, and I’m left with a broken heart, a tortured thoughts that I could not understand why I blame myself of not having the strength of sharing my pains, my struggles. I just couldn’t.
While i was in high school, one morning with our English class, our teacher required us to bring a journal notebook. Life was already difficult for me back then. I couldn’t afford to buy one. And couldn’t say it because I couldn’t accept in myself that I simply couldn’t afford it. I was silent. But my seat mate had guessed it. She had guessed it that with my silence she knew that something was not right. But I hated her because she asked, “How are you? Do you have your journal?” I stared blank at her, then I left.
Those were all from the past. Those were the days of not knowing who I really am. Those were the times when I did not know that deep within me is a stronger self, there is a greater Self that is waiting to be acknowledged.
I was introduced to Him. I was introduced to His Love, His Comforting Love. I was introduced to the One who knows all my pains and my struggles, to the One who I can tell all my pains and my struggles even though He knows it all.
When I knew Him, I asked Him to cleanse me, I asked Him to make me anew, I asked Him to comfort me with all the pains and the struggles I am going through. I asked Him to cleanse me with all the thoughts and feelings that make me away from Him. I asked Him to hold me tight, but He said, “I am always here. I am always with you. I am always in you. Hold on to Me. Feel Me in you.”
I am a new person. I am a new being. I am cleanse by the Love of God.
In Him, I am a new creation. All things are made anew. Like a spring of living water that cleanses me through.
“I breathe and move and live in Him.”